Tears flowed but God is bigger

Woke up this morning with tears streaming down my usually dry face.

It has been an amazing journey since last year, our family decided to start on the fostering journey. A year ago, prior to our marriage, we talked about adoption and chosen the road on adoption for our family. What we didn’t realise is a bigger plan to accept the brokenness in foster care. Foster care is just as much about us pulling a child out of a broken story as it is about us being pulled into that story. There will be brokenness, there will be sorrow, there will be pain. But beyond that, the children will feel love, will be safe, will be accepted and assured of their needs. And that ultimate goal when they reintegrate with their families, we feel, that is priceless. That’s the unconditional, everlasting love from God, poured out for these children.

There was a day when we passed by a fostering roadshow. Listening to and understanding the traumas and many sad incidents, we didn’t proceed further as we were not yet married and the dynamics of things seemed too much to handle. However, during the pandemic, we chanced upon a zoom sharing by foster parents and both of us were touched and we felt God leading our hearts to start fostering. So we registered our interest and braved ourselves for the next step. We went through rounds of interviews, paperwork, and reserved many weekends to attend the training course.

By the end of January 2021, we passed the intermediate course to qualify as foster parents. We had earlier made preparations for the baby room so that it will be as comfortable as possible for the little one to join us when the placement is arranged. Renovations were done to increase storage, transforming our home into a child safe home, and getting some children’s stuff!

Unfortunately, the dynamics of how the fostering works involve a lot of stakeholders from the government ministries to the social workers and of course, the birth parents and any immediate caregivers.

Thrice – we were asked if we are open to taking care. Thrice, we prayed for God’s will be done. Thrice, the caregivers decided to adjust instead of giving up the children for foster families.

These outcomes were for the good of the children so that the children will not have to adjust to another set of family dynamics, new environment, different communication, style of living. On one side, I love the fact God works are greater and this means the kids do not have to move again. I know that God has a greater plan but to have three cases having the same outcome ain’t any occurrence. In fact, I can’t make sense of why or how.

My heart, truth be told, was shattered. Fostering will break your heart but it will be for the good of these children. Except that, we have not even started officially fostering! But I am already feeling the pain. It has been a journey for the past three months – praying for the child, preparing for the arrival of the children in our house, and at the same time, preparing our extended family on seeing us with a foster child any time.

Sometimes we do not know how this works, and wonder why are there doors of opportunities (or so we thought) opened, only to be closed again?

Listening to “Living Hope”, I wept through the morning, to realise that God is bigger than my brokenness or tragedies.

And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose” (Romans 8:28; NIV)

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